Maya's gonna be a hard-ass. I can tell.

When I ended my session with Maya today, she reminded me that I should come back on Saturday.

Never mind that on Saturday morning, I'm running a 5K. Maya doesn't care. Activity only counts if it happens under her tutelage. And I know if I don't check in with her on Saturday, the first thing she's gonna do when I see her on Sunday is ride my ass about making a commitment to fitness.

Yeah, Maya - it's easy to be fit when you're pixelated. If you think your thighs are too flabby, you can just re-code them until they're toned.

Actually, Maya's all right. Like, when I completed my fitness evaluation after signing up with her, she pointed out that by standard guidelines, I was overweight - but then she was quick to point out that not everyone's body is the same, and healthy weights differ from person to person. She's constantly pointing out how fitness is all about feeling good about yourself, and from the very beginning, she said she was going to push me, but she knows I can achieve my goals if I put my mind to it. She even provides tips for healthy eating and everyday fitness - while she's preparing my workouts for me!

If she were real, I think I'd hate her.

The fitness evaluation included jumping jacks (doing them for two minutes, then taking my pulse). Have you ever tried to do jumping jacks in a way that wouldn't cause your downstairs neighbor to think that very dirty things were taking place in your living room? The idiotic solution I came up with: tiptoe jumping jacks! They still make noise, PLUS they make your calves hurt!

By the time I completed the fitness evaluation, it was 10 p.m. I decided against the Maya-recommended (but potentially jump-intensive) "Cardio" workout in favor of spending some time in the meditation garden. For about 15 minutes, Maya took me though a yoga workout - which was nice, but not particularly relaxing, given how fast she went through the motions.

I think I'll check in with Maya on Saturday and see how I do. I wonder if I can push, say, the triangle key if I already worked out that day. But something tells me Maya wouldn't allow that excuse.

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